Affliction Guild

Last night, Affliction went into Serpentshrine Cavern once more to get some quality time with everyone’s favourite summoned boss, The Lurker “I won’t spawn until you’re nearly ready to pass out from watching your guild-mates fishing because it is SO exciting and you have absolutely NOTHING else to do and OMG did I mention how exciting it was because I could come out at ANY SECOND and you just don’t KNOW and dear lord is this going to take any longer oh look here I am F*CKING FINALLY” Below.

This was our first night of actual “we’re here to kill him, not screw around with the trash and laugh as he wipes the raid” attempts. As usual, we got a bunch of epic patterns from the trash on the way there, but none were warlock loot and so are deemed not worthy of mention here. We went through our usual pre-attempt strategy session and one-on-one coaching with each member of the raid, precisely detailing their part in this complex dance of life and death. As usual, I cannot reveal to you the full scope of our strat because - well - it is THAT sophisticated. But I can reveal to you the summarized version, which is:

1. Hit Lurker
2. Jump in the damn water
3. Hit the adds
4. Return to Step 1

With everyone full prepped and ready to go, we started the awesome pre-cursor to this fight. A narrative and cut-scene reminiscent of the first time you ever saw Ragnaros, or the first time Nefarian landed on his balcony. Yes, Blizzard have truly outdone themselves on this one, and we shall forever remember this epic moment. A pally, a hunter and a priest.. fishing. Outstanding.

When the annoying bastard finally DID spawn, a sigh of relief swept over vent, relief born of the fact that we actually had something to DO instead of watching paint dry for half an hour. Thank you Blizzard for this thoughtful and much-needed break from the rigors of raiding, during which you can go AFK, bio, make coffee, catch the latest movie at the cinema and successfully raise a child and send him to college before the fight starts.

The fight itself, as mentioned, is retardedly easy. Our first attempt we had to convince Torlana that yes - he too needed to be in the water during a Spout because he is not Superman. Cat form, water, go figure. We also had to locate and neutralize the Super Predator Add, who had some kind of teleport and cloaking technology which he used to full effect to one shot at least half a dozen clothies. Our second attempt we had to explain to Torlana that being in the water actually meant being IN the water, and that touching it with your tippy toes was, in fact, not enough to avoid The Lurker’s projectile vomiting.

With that lesson well learned and Mr Aliens vs Predator neutralized with some neutron particle bombardment (otherwise known as “SHADOWBOLT TO THE FACE, BITCH!”) we solved the mystery of the pyramids and brought about world peace while we fished Moby Dick up from the depths yet again. A few minutes later, we had some phat lootz and a lifetime supply of calamari to boot. (speaking of boots, grats Ash and Volden on your foot warmers)

Big grats to Affliction for another great achievement, and on to the rest of SSC.

Last night, Affliction entered Tempest Keep with the sole intention of capitalizing on the game’s newest loot vendor - Void Reaver. The trash leading up to him was relatively uneventful - and by uneventful I mean I hate those freaking mobs and they should all go straight to hell. The same mob in the same passage at the exact same location gave us another trash epic. Unfortunately this time it was hunter loot, but it was still purple, and with a (thus far) 100% droprate we’re thinking about dumping Magtheridon entirely and just farming that particular trash mob every day.

Some interesting pulls, close encounters of the stupid kind and several dead mages later, we were facing down Void Reaver in his palace. Or room. Or garage.. ok, whatever the hell that place is, we were THERE. Void Reaver himself seemed very excited to see us. Either that, or he REALLY needed to pee. Either way, he was bouncing up and down, Genesious was bouncing up and down - and for the sake of our sanity, we couldn’t let either continue much longer.

After our usual strat session and informational instructions, (”Don’t die”) we engaged Void “There’s a fire in my pants” Reaver. All was looking good until the healers collectively decided our tanks didn’t, in fact, need any healing, despite urgent “MY FUR IS MELTING YOU BASTARDS!” calls from Jashlan. It all quickly spiraled out of control from there and ol’ Voidy ran rampant around the room laying some mechanical smack down. (or, looking for a bathroom)

After some regrouping and a couple of replacements for some ill-timed disconnects, we set out to perform some maintenance on the metal-head once more. It was a long, intense fight, which strongly resembled 25 people playing musical chairs under a fireworks display. All was looking well until the last dozen or so percent, when Puff Voidy decided to start launching the new generation of Mark II, Mach5-rated supersonic, cloaking technology-enabled Arcane Spheres. These hi-tech, silent killers cloak immediately upon launching, traveling in complete invisibility till they are literally inches from your face, then de-cloak and explode violently, chuckling as you die with a very surprised expression on your face. Proof of their existence is undeniable, because one managed to take me out at the last moment, and you KNOW it takes nothing short of overwhelming odds to kill a Warlock.

Luckily though, we had enough DPS still up to finish off those last few percent before finally peed his pants and took it out on us, and Void Reaver took his place on our trophy mantle. Big grats to everyone involved in the kill, and to Affliction for another fine achievement.

Last night Affliction entered Magtheridon’s Lair again, ever-eager to listen to him QQ about his damn blood for the five hundredth time. After an uneventful trash clear, we faced up to ‘ol Maggy from the entrance to his room, discussing our strategies for the fight. We had been planning them for some time you see, and they were so complex and high level that it took us quite some time to disseminate them to the raid. For those curious, we can reveal them to you here - albeit in summarized form. Please don’t ask for explanations - the sheer scope and understanding required is large and we don’t expect you to fathom them on the first reading. The strats are as follows:

1) Kill the Channelers
2) Click the cubes.
3) Remember to click the cubes
4) Click the damn cubes
5) Are you clicking your cube?
6) Click it
7) Let go of the cube
8) Stop channeling the cube
9) Stop it or you’ll die
10) GET AWAY FROM YOUR F*CKING CUBE
11) Stop clicking it

I did warn you they were very advanced strategies. Perhaps we’ll release a guide soon and some diagrams to make it easier.

And so our night started. Our first attempt was our best yet, getting Mag to 27% before - you guessed it - THE CUBE GREMLINS STRIKE AGAIN! The attempts after that were wondrous and fun-filled. Tanks forgetting to tank, tanks being too eager to tank, healers forgetting to heal, healers healing too much, cube clickers forgetting to click cube clickers being too eager to click, cube clickers dying, cube clickers disconnecting, cube clickers noobing out, cube clickers cube clickers cube clickers cube clickers cube clickers cube clickers!

Throughout all this, Mag was auditioning for Outland Idol - singing his version of the Black Eyed Peas’ “My Hump” song. It went something like (sung to the chorus): “My blood, my blood my blood my blood, my blood my blood my blood, my lovely demon blood! Check it out!”
Fortunately though, we eventually sorted ourselves out, got into the rhythm and got closer and closer to shutting Mag the hell up. A few more attempts and some serious whoopass servings later and Mag sang his final note, shouting “No! Wait! I can sing it better!” before collapsing into some rather unimpressive shoulder-pads on the ground.

All in all a very fun fight which gave us a crash course in teamwork and a great sense of accomplishment when we finally beat it. Well done to Affliction on another great achievement!

Hot on the heels of our victory over Karazhan last week, we added yet another notch to our belts last night with a quick foray into the Blade’s Edge Mountains. And I do mean quick - it took longer to assemble the raid than it did to accomplish our objective. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Earlier this week, we declared war on Gruul and his Merry Band of Misfits. (another great name for a band, or a pro wrestling team) We called it “Gruul must die” week, a stark warning to the Lord of the Gronn’s that his one-eyed days were numbered. (and because it sounds cool) With our 25 intrepid adventurers assembled, we zoned into his lair and followed the stench to the penthouse, where Gruul was having some trouble with his interior decorating because of what we can only guess were some depth-perception issues.

We started buffing, and then proceeded to drink, eat and intravenously drip our pots, elixirs and crack cocaine flasks until we resembled the mosh pit at a Guns ‘N Roses concert - only we had less weapons and bizarre costumes. After a short talk and a quick refresher course on the strat, (”don’t @*#$&’ing die!“) we ran in started what we thought was our first attempt. With so many casters present, Gruul quickly started to resemble a very large explosion at a paint factory. I suspect he had also just eaten some leftover Dragon that was way past its expiry date, because he grunted and groaned throughout the fight and it looked like the melee were having to dodge a lot more than just cave-ins.

Things were looking a little worrying at the first Shatter, as a couple of the ranged DPS classes declared their undying love for each other with a three-way group hug - a touching moment full of heart-felt sentiment and warmth - followed closely by fountains of blood and dismembered body parts. With that as a warning in their minds, the rest of the raid neatly avoided the rest of the shatters and burned Gruul into the ground, the percentages ticking away until finally the dragon meat-induced indigestion got the best of him and he passed out from exhaustion.

Grats to Density and Nikhi on their shiny new pants, and to Laks on her shiny new toy axe. And a huge grats to Affliction on another great achievement!

Last night marked Affliction’s first complete clearing of Karazhan, with the death of Nightbane - the “undead, remarkably angry dragon who seems really tough at first but is actually quite easy when you master the important parts of the fight”. What are these important parts you ask? Doggy biscuits and priest sacrifices.

On a serious note though, many preparations were made so that we might finally down Nightbane. Lakshmi was sent off to live with an undead Indian tribe for a week to receive vital training. She came back a changed person, and is now known as “Dances with Skeletons”. Nea was sent off to Brazil for a month to train with their national soccer team, to learn the fine art of “falling over and feigning a fatal injury at the merest hint of aggro”. She too is now a pro at this, and we’ve come to believe that no fight is complete without at least one “Nea has died.” message to bless the kill. Last but not least, Testacrush spent many a week in isolation in Onyxia’s lair, learning the fine art of “really pissing off a large dragon so he doesn’t eat everyone when he lands”. This is a very specialized course with some really intense and very expensive training, but it paid off handsomely with Nightbane only eating Knersus once. Or twice.

After the celebrations on his death, we looted his corpse and grabbed the plethora of quest items that dropped. His essence, his spark, his left toenail, some scales, gnome remains, a dog collar, some singed hair and some very confused looking maggots. Also, grats to Testa on his Dark Shield of Dark Darkness, which is very dark and apparently also Impenetrable. And dark. Grats to the guild bank on the hunter/shammy chest which got sharded.

Well done to Affliction on another great achievement. Only some time and a Gruul kill stands between us and Serpentshrine Cavern.

Affliction’s first 25-man raid took place last night, deep inside Blade’s Edge Mountains where Gruul’s Lair has sat, beckoning us for oh so long. It’s been a while since more than ten people set foot in an instance together, and the grander scale of things certainly wasn’t lost on us as we zoned and stared down some angry-looking Ogres. After a brief (cough) strategy session and some quick (cough) instructions over vent, we pulled our first trash and buckled down for some action. True to form, Estena “King of Deaths” the Mage got himself messily slaughtered so many times that there is more Estena on the floor of Gruul’s Lair now than there is floor. There is also a fair bit of Melasco spread liberally around the walls, but that’s hardly worth mentioning and we’ll move right along.

It wasn’t long before we were looking at King Maulgar and his Band of Merry Ogres (cool name for a Jazz group), devising complex and interesting strategies to deal with every possible contingency of the fight. And it was a good thing too, because without them, the fight would’ve lasted a full ten seconds less than the thirty seconds it actually took Maulgar and his cronies to ring just about every warning alarm Deadly Boss Mods has and use our battered corpses to spruce up the place a little.

A few runs back, some more strategizing, some repairs and a few pots later and we were ready to make Mr Loincloth pay for his bad dress sense. It wasn’t the neatest of take-downs and we were all very disappointed when the dust settled to see that Estena had actually survived the fight, but after a few minutes Maulgar lay dead at our feet. Just like old times, Ninjalat looted the first pair of Tier4 shoulders and the DPS caster belt that dropped went to a Priest. (gg crafted epics)

Grats to everyone involved on a great effort and to Affliction for another notch on our collective belt.

Another great Affliction raiding week came to an end last night with another notch on our belts. After an uneventful clear of the rest of the instance and a lot of loot that wasn’t immediately sharded (for a change!) - we made our way up Netherspite’s ramp, keen to play in the beam traffic and experience his own special kind of bad breath. After a couple of tries to familiarize everyone with the fight mechanics, and a couple more to explain in no uncertain terms what exactly a cone was, we potted up and gave his translucent highness a proper attempt.

As seems to be his fate in this fight, Estena promptly died in the first banish phase, then died again almost immediately after receiving a battle rez. We decided to quit while we were ahead and save the rest of the BR’s for emergencies (like Netcode, the only other person who could keep up with Estena’s death count on this encounter), and kept up the fight. A few very tense minutes and some extremely close shaves later, Netherspite was dead on the floor and Operation “Scrape Estena off the walls” commenced.

Of course, with no Shammies in the raid we got shammy loot - but he also dropped a very decent healing neck and it was our first kill, so we’ll forgive him his transgressions. Congrats to the entire team for some awesome work this week, and to the team last night for some more awesome work and the first kill.

Another great night for the guild last night. After reaching Prince Malchezaar on our previous night of raiding, we arrived at his terrace again last night, keen for some infernal dodging and nova surfing. After briefing our new mage (who had never seen Prince before) with some valuable and lengthy insights into the inner workings of the fight (”Don’t die”) we engaged him and handed over some pristine, sealed for freshness cans of whupass. The Prince surrendered his throne and we got some nice loot. I also completely forgot to take a screenshot, much to my later chagrin.

So on a high, off we went into The Suspicious Bookcase. After one attempt to orient ourselves, we smacked old Illhoof around like his Felwood counterparts and made a great mounted trophy from his horns. The fight itself was rather disappointingly easy, and I personally cannot express just how marvelous it is to stand still and spam one button for a few minutes and do 600k+ worth of damage.

We gave Netherspite a couple of pokes after that - fight seems pretty straightforward once everyone has the beam rotations sorted out - I’m sure we’ll be looting his corpse pretty soon too.

Haven’t updated in a while. Things are still progressing well on our side of the world. I had a couple of images to upload of our latest conquests but they’re all on another PC currently out of reach. We’re progressing through Karazhan at the moment, and all bosses up to Prince Malch have been handed their asses. The Prince will shortly receive his too - our best try late on the night before the reset having brought him down to 24%, and we’re ready for him. No new legendaries as yet unfortunately - though I’m sure this is more to do with the fact that Karazhan doesn’t drop legendaries or I’m sure we would’ve had at least 4 in guild by now.

It’s been a couple of months since the last major update. The time in between has seen the coming and going of the PVP craze and more importantly, the arrival of the Burning Crusade expansion. After a few frantic days of sourcing copies from overseas (thanks Squish!) Affliction is hard at work again, steadily making the journey from 60 to 70. Some members more steadily than others!

Congrats to Melasco on being the first Affliction member to hit 70! He actually dinged a while ago, but it took this long to find him in the skies, and get him to stand still long enough on his flying mount to pose for a screenshot.

As the rest of us inch closer to 70 and start preparations for the raiding encounters that lie ahead, Affliction looks forward to more good times and harder challenges than ever before.